| Alright, fine. FINE! I'm in love. ARgh. |
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| This has been a strange journey. Up. Down. Up and down at the same time. Stretched, squished, torn, reclaimed. Looking back, it has been something extraordinary. I hope I live through it to write all the poems and paint all the pictures that will come from this... The most difficult part to accept is that, yes, I will live through it. |
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| I'm feeling beyond sad. Something broke. A dam. It was good that it broke, didn't exactly crumble, but at least it let out some tears, some emotions that I had tried to force out of my life so often recently that I forgot how to just let myself feel them. Now a firetruck and a cop car are outside the apartment building, let myself have curiosity though I really wanted to feel afraid that the lights and siren would trigger some kind of PTSD thing in me or that they were here for some kind of tragic emergency with my downstairs neighbor. I guess that is PTSD in itself, a little bit. But I let myself feel the curiosity, didn't turn away and run from the unseen possibilities. As it turns out, I think someone just pulled the fire alarm or one of these smoke detectors went off that automatically sends a signal to the security company. They got dressed in their outfits and ran around to the back with a giant fire extinguisher, but that was it. Now, I am back to the feeling of relief after letting out some emotions. Glad I had that bit of catharsis. It's been a good week I guess, as far as that is concerned. I hope it continues and I find eventual peace again in the tears... This is a strange entry, I know. |
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| If I can't call him a man without flinching and if he can't think of himself (or at least, wouldn't mind thinking of himself) in the same manner, then I ought not be getting all smitten. |
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| My feelings came back and now I miss you. |
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